human design

reflection of woman standing

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Part of being a solopreneur is guiding the direction of your business. There are lots of hats to wear … accountant, director of purchasing, inventory and stocking, marketing, manager, sales, content creator, website wizard, continuing education, and then of course the delivery of paid services.

How does a woman manage all of that? And why would she even want to? Why not work for someone else, get paid vacations, sick time, a steady paycheck. What drives a woman to give up that security and go into business for herself?

For me, I’ve always felt trapped in an employment situation … I like working on projects I want to, when I want to, and how I want to. I want the freedom to spend 100 hours on research to find the perfect one hour treatment for someone because I find joy and personal satisfaction in knowledge and in making that special difference to one human being. That would be impossible to do if I worked for someone else.

How do you know what’s right for you? Can you feel inside and notice what makes your chest tight and constricted and what opens your heart and fills you with joy? That’s your internal ‘body voice’ telling you.

But that’s hard to do for some people. I came across a personality assessment that can help. This assessment is called human design. It’s based on when and where you were born and gives you insights into what makes you tick. You can get a free human design chart with some basic info that will peek your curiosity.

I found out that I was a “projector” which simply means that my mission is to teach people. Some people are meant to inspire, others to lead, but I’m meant to teach. That fits me. I also found out that I’m an “investigator” and I gather information and knowledge and then use that to confidently teach … again, that fits. My inner authority, the “voice” I need to listen for to know something is right for me or not is “emotional authority” which simply means I need to feel inside to know if something is right for me or not. Also I learned my best marketing strategy is to present information and then wait for others to come to me to know more. Pushiness is not for me, I’m more true to me when I invite others and let them choose.

If you decide to do your human design chart, I’d love to hear what you found out about yourself. I’m not sure if we can ever learn enough about who we are and what impels us to work as we do! What do you think?

A Look Inside Transformational Coaching

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Some tough “let’s get real” questions I ask people when I coach them:

  • What aren’t you doing that would contribute to your success?
  • What might be the downside of getting what you want?
  • What is the upside of not getting what you want?
  • What are you doing that is not contributing to your success?
  • Can you think of any positive reason for remaining the same?

Some exercises I take people through during coaching to help them management the neurological reaction to stress:

  • Directed Breathing. Why? Because research shows it calms the vagus nerve (the fight/flight nerve). Types of breathing include Navy Seals square breathing, central channel breathing, one nostril at a time breathing, whole body breathing noticing what is expanding and what isn’t (awareness of tight areas of the body).
  • Tapping/Emotional Freedom Technique. Why? Because research shows it decreases cortisol (the stress hormone) and promotes calming when used during stress.
  • Progressive Muscle Relaxation. Why? Because the fight/flight response creates subconscious bracing patterns and when we bring these tight areas to awareness, we can reset the muscles and relax our body.
  • Guided Imagery. Why? Trapped stress is stored in snippets, pictures, and sensation and we can gain access to these stress triggers in order to release them.
  • Mindfulness. Why? Research shows that bringing your attention to the safety you are experiencing in the ‘here and now’ trains the brain to decrease anxiety.

Three words that influence how I work with people in a coaching situation: Freedom, Safety, Acceptance

  • Freedom – The goal of my coaching process is to free the mind, body, and spirit from physical and emotional pain and to dare to act on dreams.
  • Safety – There can be no creativity and moving forward unless a person feels safe and thus the core of my coaching process focuses on addressing safety at the nervous system level.
  • Acceptance – Feeling free of perfectionism, discovering self-acceptance and being acknowledged by your coach each step of the coaching journey, propels forward momentum and helps you reach your personal goals.

An example of getting to the root of a problem:

  1. Life Situation: Parents Divorce
  2. False Belief the Child Internalizes: Relationships Don’t Last
  3. Expectations this Adult Child Acts On: You will leave me, I’ll end up abandoned, I’ll be alone, You will reject me.
  4. Confusing Emotions: You are attracted to a person and instead of feeling excited, you feel fear and that’s confusing.
  5. Self-Talk that sabotages a Relationship: Suspicious and Intrusive Thoughts “I wonder if my boyfriend is cheating on me”
  6. Stress in Relationships: lacking trust, feeling anxious, feeling resentful or suspicious without cause, being clingy
  7. Self-Fulfilling Outcome: Partner Leaves

The root of the problem is the internalized belief from childhood that ‘relationships don’t last’ and until that belief is uncovered, the desired trust and happiness of a good relationship will be hard to achieve.

People get coaching to help with relationship problems, health problems, financial problems, and business problems. I coach women who love horses and want to improve some aspect of their relationship with their horse.

  • For some it may be as simple as wanting to take a certain canter lead and we’ll problem solve horse soundness, saddle fit,  rider cues, and any blocks in movement the rider may have.
  • For another person it may be feeling their horse has let them down … literally the horse spooked and the rider fell and we’ll explore the horse’s reactivity, ground work for desensitizing, calming strategies for horse and rider, and releasing any stuck emotional energy from the traumatic situation.
  • While other horse women find themselves making excuses not to ride, avoiding their horse, but at the root is fear of hurting their horse and shame over weight gain after pregnancy or from menopause.

Every other month I address these type of topics horse women face. The last Thursday of the even months (February, April, June, August, October, and December) I’ll give a Tea Time Talk (12:30 to about 1:30 Eastern Time). We’ll empathically delve into a variety of these topics, you’ll get to hear some practical coping strategies and practice a nervous system de-stressor, plus I’ll release trapped emotional energy in the group using the Emotion Code system. These ‘Tea Time Talk’ group coaching sessions are free and will give you a chance to experience a taste of what coaching can offer you. This month (October 31) I’ll be exploring rider weight … a touchy topic that I’ll cover with compassion.

Why people seek out coaching:

  • They want more meaning in their life.
  • They want strategies to experience success with a certain problem.
  • They want to have more happiness.
  • They want help finding a way that works for them to overcome self-sabotage.

Disclaimer: Coaching is a wellness strategy and does diagnose or treat illness or disease, nor does it replace professional therapy or create a physician-client relationship. If you have past unhealed trauma, suicidal thoughts, or strong intrusive emotions please seek professional help from a therapist.

4 to 24 and everything in between

woman girl jeans clothes

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This past weekend my husband went away for a couple of days to bird hunt up north. I made supper and ate my portion. I plated his portion and put it in the refrigerator. Darkness fell and I was alone. My attention kept turning to the uneaten plate of food in the refrigerator. I was hungry for it but I wasn’t really hungry. Do you understand what I mean?

  • I didn’t want the food to go to waste.
  • Having it in the refrigerator reminded me that my husband wasn’t there to eat it.
  • I had some inner angst being alone for the night.

If I had eaten that second plate of food, I would have been eating it to soothe emotions and not hunger.

I’m getting better at recognizing emotional triggers … stress triggers. But I also have other triggers … when I’ve put in a long day of work and I’ve got an hour drive home, I want to reward myself and unwind with food in the car. Easy food, like tacos from Taco Bell or a McD’s fudge sundae.

I have tried many different strategies for losing weight … low calorie and low carb being two common ones. But I’ve also been in mindfulness programs, the faith based Weigh Down program, and others. None seem to have the whole answer for me. I’ve been a size 4 to a size 24 and every size in between. When I was on prescriptions for chronic pain, nothing I did seemed to help me lose weight. When I hit menopause, the hormone changes caused not only hot flashes but changed my entire metabolism.

And that’s why there is no one size fits all approach to weight loss … it’s an individual journey to a life style makes you happy and is maintainable. I actually found out through my DNA analysis that I have dozens on SNP’s that could lead to obesity … my ancestors survived because of those thrifty genes, how can I curse them, it’s the reason I’m here now?

So many things affect our weight and weight loss … our food choices, food allergies, exercise, food amount, genetics, sleep, stress, hormones, metabolism, pain, medications, emotions, food as a reward, recapturing good memories, dealing with social anxiety, cravings, boredom, convenience, laziness and so much more.

As a horse rider, my weight is not simply a vanity or health issue, it is an issue I share with my horse. I’ve been ashamed of how much I’ve weighed in the past, felt guilty and have even avoided my horse for months at a time. I’ve been there, I know what it feels like. And I’ve also learned some other things that have helped me ride when I was heavier when I didn’t have the option of having a different horse … riding shorter times, riding slower speeds, using Centered Riding imagery for balance, making extra sure my saddle fit my horse.

October 31, 2019 from 12:30-1:30 eastern time, I’m going to share a bit more on weight and horses for horse women in a tele-conference. Some strategies, some understanding, and some of what I’m really good at … some emotional energy clearing, because who wants to carry around the weight of shame and guilt. It’s all free and you’re welcome to listen in but you do have to register so you can get the call-in number.  Wall flowers are welcome and I hope you’ll all join me on that Thursday.

It would sure help me if you have your own story of weight or successful strategies you’ve tried, I’d love to add them to the talk on Thursday, so please do share!

 

 

What’s Up

high angle photo of person s hand holding cup filled with coffee

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  1. Healthy Eating: I’ve found that subscribing to a food plan is the easiest way for me to cook and eat healthy. I need something simple and convenient. AND I want delicious food! I’ve tried Home Chef, Dinnerly, Hello Fresh, and Sun Basket. The best price is Dinnerly but it’s not convenient enough because the recipes aren’t in the box and the food is not separated out into meals plus my first box was missing the green beans (which were ingredients in 2 of the meals) and Dinnerly did nothing to replace or refund or even apologize for that. The best tasting is Home Chef but I had some reliability problems with the box not arriving 2 different weeks within a 3 month period. Hello Fresh had a good amount of home style food with generous ingredients for two people, enough that you could stretch a meal to feed three. Sun Basket has full flavor, interesting tastes, and really weird ingredients but offers meals for a variety of diet types … I can get low calorie and low carb food that fills my plate and that I enjoy but my husband just isn’t sure he likes it. I think Hello Fresh and Sun Basket are the ones I’ll alternate between.
  2. Insightful Reads: I just finished “Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect” by Jonice Webb and I thought it would be just another psychology book but shockingly I recognized myself in some of the vignettes … it’s not about traumatic things that happened in childhood but about the caring assertive supportive moments that didn’t happen and how that plays out for us adults. I’m also in the middle of “The 5 Personality Patterns: Your Guide to Understanding Yourself and Others and Developing Emotional Maturity” by Steven Kessler and this again is about how childhood trauma creates personality patterns that are intended to be protective but also are negative coping survival patterns unconsciously triggered by distress … but you can bring awareness to these and heal into the real you. I usually have more than one book going at a time and so I have two in the wings … “Unfreedom of the Press” by Mark R. Levin and “The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma” by Bessel A. van Der Kolk.
  3. Self-Healing Strategies: I have a daily routine of waking up with a cup of coffee (organic decaf+roasted chicory), praying and meditating in the hot tub while completing the Eden Daily Energy Routine. I end that day sitting in front of an infrared light box, listening to Holosync (brain building and stress releasing meditation), and drinking a green drink (Dr. Anna Cabeca’s Mighty Maca). These two practices last about 30 minutes in the morning and 30 minutes in the evening and are an important part of my healing stress management daily strategies. In the middle of the day I practice intermittent fasting by eating in 8-10 hour window and not eating for 14-16 hours and I have a gratitude daily journal where I write down what I appreciate, what made me happy, who I connected with, and what little thing I can celebrate that I did.
  4.  Supplements: The biggest part of supporting my wellness is taking magnesium and Vitamin D supplements (both of which I tested low on in a blood test) plus a progesterone cream, bi-est cream, DHEA and Pregnenolone for menopause. It was also recommended I add zinc and iodine supplements to help boost a sluggish thyroid, which I do. On top of that I do a 5- day monthly detox (I did a 6-month detox first) using the Microbe Formulas protocol.
  5. Supporting a Healthy Lifestyle: I’m walking 3 miles a day with my dogs and riding my horse twice a week. I value family so I’m giving my time twice a week helping my aging parents. I value faith so I’m praying, reading the bible, and going to church daily. I value a natural lifestyle so I’m buying organic, using essential oils for cleaning, and am recycling all plastics I use.

Feeding the body and brain, practicing a daily healing routine, supporting wellness with supplements, and living out values … this is the magic behind happiness, self-love, and then love extending that gift of your self to others. I bet you’re already doing many of these things and maybe aren’t giving yourself the credit. Why not sit down with a cup of coffee and discover what’s up for you!

Clutter

Clutter

If your closets aren’t stuffed full and you don’t have loads of things on your shelves then you may wonder how other people can live with so much clutter. But if you are one those people with clutter, I think you’ll recognize yourself in some of what I’m going to reveal.

This is like being in an AA meeting, only it’s clutter anonymous and I’m risking being vulnerable and acknowledging publicly that I’ve struggled with clutter. I love things. I feel comforted by things. Things make me feel safe.

Things are more than things to use … they hold memories, dreams, desires, fantasies, nostalgia, protection … the ‘what if’s’ when you struggle with getting rid of something … what if I’ll need it later, what if I can never get it again, what if it’s a diamond in the rough … that type of thing.

When my husband mishandles or irresponsibly breaks one of my things I become enraged … it’s like he’s disrespecting ME or disregarding ME … but my husband isn’t attached to things, he’s practical … things have a use and a purpose and if they are just sitting around then there is no purpose for them to be there. Sometimes that backfires on him and he wishes he had something he’s mislaid or discarded but he seems to live through it just fine.

On the other hand, I have a sense of “responsibility” to the “stuff.” I don’t know if anyone else feels that way? But I feel things need to be cared for and loved and that each ‘thing’ needs to be especially appreciated and particularly placed if the decision is finally reached to get rid of it. It’s exhausting, time-consuming, and energy draining to feel that much weight of responsibility to the things. But to not be concerned brings on intense feelings of betrayal, anger, guilt, and more.

There is so much draining energy in clutter.

I have been a size 4 to a size 24 and because of the emotional clearing work I’ve been doing, I finally feel free of the attachment of ‘things’ … they just don’t have the hold over me like they did in the past. I came to the point where I decided to get rid of all the sizes that don’t fit me right now. It’s hard to explain, but my heart didn’t feel that dreaded squeeze when I went through my fall and winter closet and groaned at the amount of clothes.

I picked one section of the closet, took all the hangers down and made decisions. Fits, doesn’t fit. Me, not me. In style, out of style. I kept a handful of things that didn’t fit but that I wasn’t ready to part with … a pair of brown suede jeans that I had custom made in England when I was visiting my brother there and that are a size too small but that I will gladly wear again if I do lose some weight.

The photo above doesn’t even come near to what I’ve given away the past week … 8 bags of clothes, 24 suits and coats on hangers … and many costly classic designer items that didn’t fit anymore. When I gave them away I was tapping using the emotional freedom technique and saying inside, “I accept who I am and the size I am right now. I trust I will enjoy getting new treasures if my size changes in the future. I am OK and will survive if I have only one shirt and one pair of pants that fit. I actually need very little to be happy, my happiness comes more from my relationships and family and animals than from ‘things'” … and so on.

Anyway, I just wanted to put this out there in case you struggle with clutter. You aren’t alone in feeling these types of struggles, it is energy consuming. You can work on healing this area, bringing in more space in your life, there are things that really do work to get to the core of clutter but each person is different and needs to do the work in their own time. I had to tap on different things that came up like sadness over not achieving the weight loss I’d been trying for, fear over making a bad decision or making a decision I would later regret or making a decision that would cost me more money down the road, and loss of a dream.

I had one outfit, an off-white beaded designer suede jacket and butter soft leather off-white skirt ($1500/ size 6), that I purchased after being inspired by a speaker wearing something similar at a horse seminar … I admired her confidence and class very much and this outfit was a way of copying her success … did getting rid of this outfit mean I was giving up aiming for speaking at horse seminars or giving up on success? I had to sort through all of that with each piece of clothing, some more than others. I know it’s not easy, that for people like me, there are emotional attachments that need to be worked through.

Working through the “clutter” energy impacts so many areas … relationships, fatigue, and even finances … more than once I’ve bought a piece of clothing that I actually already had but forgot about because it was buried in too full of a closet. If you feel like the time is now and you’d like some help, I’d be happy guide you through the process and share some of the same techniques that helped me release the attachments and work through the emotional baggage. It’s worth it! The cleaned up spaciousness allows new energy to flow in and not only looks really great, it feels amazing!