Struggling

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Blog posts are supposed to be uplifting, informative … but this one is going to be brutally honest. The only way to slay a demon is to bring it into the light, right?

I’m struggling.

Not with pain. Not with depression. Not with anxiety. Not even with stress.

No, I’m struggling with excess. And that’s a shameful topic.

I’ve been over-rewarding myself. I’ve been buying more clothes than I need. I’ve been over-enjoying food. The results are I’m carrying more weight than is healthy for me and I’m not putting away the amount of money I want to save for retirement.

I see what’s happening and I have trouble stopping it. Eating and having new clothes makes me happy, at least for a while.

I’m working on looking inside to find the deeper “whys” … am I sad over my parents rapid decline as they age. Yes. Am I glad I’m helping them out and sacrificing time to take care of them. Yes. Is that why I need a reward? Is that why I need an emotional boost?

Maybe. I’m just not sure. I don’t have answers. At least not yet. I don’t have anything uplifting or informative to share as to how to overcome this struggle. I’m just being honest that I am struggling and I haven’t worked it out.

Please don’t judge me. But I guess that’s the risk when you choose to be vulnerable and transparent.

If you’re struggling with something, I just want to say “I get it.” And although I’m not a hugger in the traditional touchy feely sense, I am deeply in tune with you and openly, willingly, and gladly am sending you a virtual hug as well as prayers for the strength you need, whatever that might be for.

We’re human, we struggle. I’m not alone in this. You’re not alone either. Maybe a little light will help. I’ve opened the door to let some in, and that takes courage. And it seems like courage and a little TLC will perhaps make the struggle a little bit easier to overcome.

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