Recovering From Burnout

asphalt dark dawn endless

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Working a dream.

Over giving.

Forging ahead through pain.

Caring.

Too much for others, not enough for me.

Compromising myself.

Feeling it in my body.

Dreading work.

Wanting to crawl in bed.

Being conscientious and doing what’s needed.

More pain, more stress.

Feeling unappreciated.

Taking care of others.

Needing some self-care but there’s no time.

Body crashes.

Can’t work.

Have to make time to recover.

There’s no joy, there’s only pain and guilt.

There’s depression … this can’t be happening.

Why me?

But I know why.

I ignored the messages from my body.

And it had to crash to get me to listen.

Now I’m listening.

When I look inside it’s a blackened landscape as far as the eye can see but one burned out tree has a leaf peaking through.

There is hope for new life.

But it’s hard to feel.

One step at a time.

Slowing down.

Taking a hard look at where I’ve been.

And where I want to be.

Trying to be patient with the process.

That is hard.

But I take a deep breath.

Time to reconnect with nature.

Time to reconnect with my horses and the things I love.

Just a few minutes a day is OK.

Allowing the space to heal from the guilt of having to “do” rather than to “be.”

The road has been long, actually several years.

But I’m sensing a new dream emerging.

One that brings balance for me and for others.

It’s a spiritual journey as much as a mind-body one.

Feeling delighted in the small things now.

Sunshine through the trees, violets in the grass.

Feeling content with where ever the journey goes.

Being curious.

Not jumping to an outcome, but rather experiencing each day in full.

The green is coming back.

The tree is beginning to burst with leaves.

I’ve passed through the worst.

With something to share.

I understand the darkness.

I’ve been there.

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