Navigating Change

negotiating change

We had a tough decision before us. Should my husband accept a new job offer. Accepting his new job meant moving … moving 60 miles from both sets of parents, selling our home, and my giving up a 4-H club I championed and a new job I loved.

My husbands current work was in construction and he enjoyed it. He had just received his builders license and was contemplating going out on his own. We had our own little 5 acre farm with our horses and I had just become certified as a therapeutic riding instructor for the local program.

Why would we even consider a new job offer? Life was good as it was. But this job wasn’t any normal job, it was moving to a large horse farm, training dogs, and leading a hunt; this was outdoor work with animals and having freedom to decide what to do during the day. My husband loves animals and hunting and being outdoors. He was an ADHD kid and being able to schedule his own day would fit right into his personality and personal needs.

Was I willing to step out of a limb and give up my ‘life’ to support him? At first I said “no.”

But then we went up to visit the property where the job would be … a canopy of trees covered a winding hilly dirt road to a big old white barn and acres and acres of rolling pasture. It took my breath away and I knew to my toes that supporting my husband in this job change would be good for both our souls.

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Being supportive of each other is a non-negotiable in our marriage. Finding work we love that fits our personality and strengths is also a non-negotiable. Living in nature with animals fills both of us with joy.

Change is not easy, even if it is right. I had to clean the house and decided to rent it out rather than sell it (what if the new job didn’t work out), and then I had to find renters. There were sad goodbyes with my 4-H kids. And ones of disbelief from the therapeutic riding program. A lot of emotions, not all of them pleasant or encouraging.

With change comes fresh beginnings … I started a new therapeutic riding program through 4-H at the hunt, opened my own therapy business with horses, found a wonderful new church to attend, and I go back home to visit family twice a week (seeing them even more than I did when I lived only 10 miles away).

That decision was 25 years ago and life is even better than it would have been if we’d stayed put. Decisions for navigating big changes are made easier by knowing yourself, discerning what your values are and identifying your real non-negotiables.

I’m hosting a stress management session this Thursday on the topic of change. We’ll do some activities that help you clarify your own non-negotiables, learn to turn down the stress response so it doesn’t highjack your ability to think through changes, and also clear out old emotional triggers that might be preventing you from stepping into changes that will be beneficial for you. If that sounds like something that interests you then jump in and join me this Thursday on the phone 7:30pm Eastern Time.

 

Resisting Change

Have you ever felt like you’re spinning your wheels?

Or maybe you’ve felt stuck at some point in your life?

Feeling like one foot is on the gas but the other is on the brake?

All of those have one thing in common … difficulty moving forward and allowing change to happen.

I worked hard and was living my dream job. Working with therapy for people using horses was so unique, I was forced out of my comfort zone to become a private business owner. I did it. And because I did it, I was asked to teach a class through the Occupational Therapy department at Western Michigan University. That was another step out of my comfort zone but I did it. Then a conflict with insurance coverage for a client led to a ten year research project. I did that too and results were published nationally and internationally and led to presentations at several National Conferences. I wasn’t comfortable speaking in front of groups but I did that too. I was happiest in the barn 1:1 with my clients. I felt at the top of my game treating patients, mentoring college students and contributing to the therapy field as a whole. But the ground began to shift under my feet. I was beginning to have pain in my arms, neck and shoulders from the work I was doing. I ignored it. I loved my work. Then the barn I was at closed down. I struggled to find another barn and finally did after two years of intense stress but my client load had dropped. Then my business computer crashed and some information was irretrievable. A short while later my therapy horse coliced and died. A week after that, I was in the hospital with a chronic pain diagnosis. I was bucking change. Resisting it. Digging in my heels. I wanted what I wanted and didn’t heed the signs suggesting a change in career direction. I knew it inside, but I denied it. Pain was the forced motivator to change, I had to be flat on my back to move forward in a different direction. That’s weird isn’t it. I really struggled against change. I was reactive rather than proactive.

We live in time, so one day changes into another, one season comes while another goes. And with the change of time, certain events happen. Our favorite store goes out of business, pets pass away, cars age, houses deteriorate.

And coping with change can create many different emotions.

The change of Death can create grief.

The end of a job can create resentment.

The change of Divorce can create abandonment.

Coping with an accident or injury can create anger.

Change, depending on the situation and the amount of control we feel, can create shame, regret, or fear of the future. If you’re reactive to change (like I was) rather than being proactive, then you’re more likely to have trapped emotions around change. Trapped emotional energy stays trapped (unless it’s released) and creates future difficulty coping with change. It becomes an emotional trigger.

On Thursday August 30 at 7:30 ET join me in a teleconference where we’ll explore and clear the negative energy around change that’s getting in the way of flowing with ease in life. We’ll clear out old trapped emotions and the old emotional triggers.

This is a stress management group lasting about 1 hour designed especially for women: The Emotion Code is a simple way to clear out negative emotions to enable a positive ‘go with the flow’ mindset.

My motto: Helping Women Feel Joy and Balance in Life

Join me August 30!

Scars

We all get banged up now and then from life. You can wear your scars like a badge of honor or you work on healing them.

LLLT – low level laser light therapy is one method. Here’s an excerpt from PubMed – Stem cells can be activated, allowing increased tissue repair and healing. In dermatology, LLLT has beneficial effects on wrinkles, acne scars, hypertrophic scars, and healing of burns. The noninvasive nature and almost complete absence of side effects encourage further testing in dermatology.

I’ve been using LLLT with clients for pain relief and am seeing good results on scars. But there is a do-it-yourself scar healing treatment too. One with oils and essential oils that known for their skin healing properties. I’ll share one of my favorite recipes:

5ml Roller Bottle (For External Use Only)

  • 2ml Tamanu Oil (just google this one to see all the amazing benefits)
  • 10 drops natural Vitamin E Oil (skin healing and natural preservative)
  • 2 drops therapeutic grade pure Frankincense Essential Oil (skin healing)
  • 2 drops therapeutic grade pure Patchouli Essential Oil (emotionally supportive)
  • 1 drop therapeutic grade pure Helichrysum Essential Oil
  • Fill remaining bottle with Fractionated Coconut Oil or Jojoba.

Put the roller on your bottle and cap it with the lid then shake well to mix the oils. Vitamin E acts as a natural preservative but store your skin healing remedy in a dark place. If you store it in the refrigerator, the Tamanu oil will solidify and make it difficult to use your roller bottle. I recommend using up roller bottle blends within one year.

Use this blend frequently throughout the day by topically rolling it over the scar areas on your skin. The essential oils used in this blend are non-toxic, non-irritating, with no known safety issues and support healing for both physical and emotional scars. This skin supporting blend can be used on scars, psoriasis, wrinkles, stretch marks, and insect bites.

If you have an old scar you want help with, I invite you to schedule a $50 session and I’ll do a LLLT treatment (in-person) on the scar, an Emotion Code energy work session, and you’ll get a home program with the Essential Oil roller blend above.

Safety

A robbery happened in your neighborhood. The next week two more burglaries were committed. Police are much more visible when you leave your driveway but instead of feeler safer, your gut clenches because you know it’s a sign that something is not right. The robber strikes at night when people are sleeping, you lock your doors, double check the windows, but sleep is difficult when every creak in the dark sends you into vigilant alertness. You leave for work but still feel anxious, what if the person is watching everyone’s habits and strikes during the day. What if he enters during the day and waits hiding in your house for you to get home. It’s hard to concentrate at work and you make little mistakes, your co-workers look at you with judgement, or at least that’s what you think because you are critically judging yourself. More robberies occur, the house next to you is struck, and you just can’t relax. You have a doctor’s appointment and you’ve gained weight, your heart rate is higher than normal, your blood pressure is elevated and you complain about stomach problems and constipation. You share that you’ve been having work and home stress, the doctor asks more questions and wonders if you need an anti-depressant.

The next day you hear on the news the robber has been caught red-handed. He’s in jail and will go to prison. There is no longer a daily presence of police on your block. Things appear more normal. You still feel that anxious “high” and it’s hard to sleep, but you do manage to get a few hours of rest. Your stomach feels more settled for morning breakfast. You leave for work and the intrusive thoughts about someone hiding in your house do not even enter your consciousness. You feel bad for those who have been robbed and hope they get their possessions back. You follow the story in the media and are animated when talking about the news with co-workers. You don’t realize it but you’re not making those little mistakes at work now, you’re on top of your game. A while later, you visit your doctor and your blood pressure and heart rate are back to normal, you’re sleeping well again and the bowel and stomach problems have disappeared. There is no mention of anti-depressants.

That’s a story of how emotional stress affects your well-being. If you feel safe, everything just works better, flows better, feels better. But what if that negative emotional energy became trapped in your body and created an ongoing sense of unsafeness, stealing your peace of mind and affecting your overall health. Most people keep pushing through and functioning as best they can but they know something isn’t right. They aren’t at the top of their game and they may even be on medications to deal with the symptoms from the trapped stories of old stressors.

But there are ways to capture that internal negative energy thief and put him away for good. There are methods that can allow you to see the memory of an old event and not feel the unsafe emotional charge anymore. Tapping or EFT (emotional freedom technique) is one I teach clients and the Emotion Code is another. I use both for myself as well. Each of these can easily be googled, so I won’t go into details about what they are, but thousands of people are experiencing relief from post-traumatic stressors.

The last Thursday in August I will be offering a group Emotion Code session, clearing the negative emotional charges that happen around life changes … injuries, graduations, moves, death of loved ones or beloved pets, changes of employment, divorce, marriage, relationship breakups, financial losses. I invite you to join me. The cost is $10 … so often we spend our money of something that gives us a temporary boost – a $10 movie, fast food, star bucks … how about making that small investment into a permanent boost and have some of that negative emotional stress removed? Easy online sign-up. Information is HERE. You don’t even have to be brave to listen in, “wall flowers” are welcome and benefit too, all you need to do is decide you want to feel more safety in your life and then sign up for the August session.