Remembering

2013 was a tough year and I had forgotten just how far I’ve come. Then Facebook memories brought it all back … 3 years ago I felt depressed but yet I see resilience in my smile … I felt defeated, yet many new accomplishments were born out of that time. In 2013 I lost a beloved therapy horse from sudden colic, my business computer crashed, and I was in the hospital with my own crippling pain… the Universe seemed to conspire against me and I could no longer fight it … I chose to end my hippotherapy private practice (which had basically been my identity for 20 years). At the same time I had to face my father’s aging and worsening memory issues … my mom needed more support and I needed to step up to the plate.

Over the past 3 years I have honored my old hippotherapy business by writing a series of books (Brown Pony Series) where I share the wisdom and experience gleaned from many years in the barn. I adopted a new horse that is like an old soul mate. Instead of working every day, I now go down to my parents and help out a couple of days a week. And I’m recovering ever so slowly from the abuse I put my body through that resulted in a chronic pain diagnosis … I’m using this new journey as a way of helping others overcome their own unintentional self-inflicted body pain and abuse while at the same time continuing to manage life’s commitments.

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It’s good to remember, to cherish the past and to review the road traveled. It helps when I feel discouraged that I’m not further along … or in those times when I feel stuck and wonder what direction I should be going now. Even if I want it, I don’t ‘need’ insight into the big picture, I just have to see where the next step is. In hindsight, I’ve discovered that road blocks in 2013 have also helped me find a new correct direction … the Universe is actually conspiring to help me. Remembering has helped put it all in perspective.

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Light and Purpose

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Galadriel to Frodo in Lord of the Rings: I give you the light of Earendil our most beloved star. May it be a light to you in dark places when all other lights go out.

What is your guiding light? The light for the path you are traveling on earth? The light for your purpose here?

When I was young, school was difficult … not hard, the work was easy for me, but it was exhausting to sit cooped up in one place for hours on end in a room filled with other students. If I had my choice, I sat in a back corner of the class where I had a view out of the windows. I clearly recall one notebook cover from elementary school … it had a photograph of horses in a misty pasture. It was my daydream escape in the drudgery. It was my light of Earendil.

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I knew nothing about life purpose then or about vision boards and such. I just knew my heart longed for horses, freedom, and the peace of nature. Years later I became a therapist focused on mental health and wellness. I worked in a hospital with teens and helped guide them through tough emotions and self-discovery. But soon the draw of horses altered the course of my work and I was involved in therapeutic riding for people with physical disabilities.

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Over time I found the two types of work … mental health and physical rehabilitation naturally went hand-in-hand. The mind-body connection became clearer as the years went by, and I was always in awe of the spiritual joy that horses brought my students. We are created to live in mind, body, and spirit. The life purpose of my work never seemed clear to me as it was developing … much like the horses in the fog on my old notebook cover. But I walked one step at a time, led forward by the decisions of my heart.

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I guess my heart has been the light for the path of my life. A heart that longs for the outdoors, for nature, for peace, for horses. Now that I know about setting intentions and writing down outrageous dreams, I realize that I have unconsciously done that. My heart never yearned for a rich life or for New York City or for a fast-paced night life. And those aren’t in my life. My life is simple, lived in nature, shared with horses. It’s everything my heart could want. It’s a life filled with light and purpose.

Impatient

im·pa·tient

adjective
1. having or showing a tendency to be quickly irritated or provoked.

2. restlessly eager.

I’m impatient for wholeness, wellness, energized health. I believe in the body’s capacity to heal itself given proper support (i.e. detox, healthy food, exercise, time management, bodywork, etc.). But the tide of strain seems to be bearing down faster than I can build a supporting wall to hold back the flood.

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Breathe and enjoy the beautiful nature around. That’s what I remind myself. And I do for a moment feel better.

 

Then something happens and a feeling of being unbalanced overwhelms. My blood pressure is still unstable and I have to go on yet another medication. I hate prescriptions … it feels like a betrayal of the body to be whole on it’s own. And again I remind myself of all the blessings and good in life. Over and over the cycle.

 

Loyalty, love, living in the moment, relaxing, playing. Our pets have so much to teach us. I’m trying to learn. I was pulling weeds in the garden a week or so ago and ended up with poison ivy. It’s my bane, my curse. I’m highly allergic to it and have been since a child. I can feel it in my throat, it’s on my arms, between my fingers, on my chest and neck and has spread to my face and eyelids.  The itch is terrible. In times past, this means one thing – a doctor visit and a prescription steroid burst of prednisone. But I try Tea Tree oil, Chamomile, and Helichrysum first. It works. The swelling abates. I’m floored, I’m surprised, I’m awed and I’m reminded that something is changing with my immune system from all of the support I’ve been offering my body. Something is different. My body is healing itself.

 

My step is lighter and I feel hopeful. Hopeful from a bout of poison ivy, healed naturally. I notice a faery circle of mushrooms and explore. Yes, I’m impatient for the finished result – good health. But life still has magical moments. I’m on the right path. I can enjoy the journey.