I attended a myofascial release seminar in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina this past week. Morning and evening I walked the ocean beach – it’s so different than the midwest farms and forests I enjoy day in and day out.
I love continuing education and love to share the various venues these conferences are held with my parents. They were big supporters in helping me to get where I’m at and this is a nice way to share in the benefits at little extra expense for them.
We drove down from Michigan to South Carolina and here my mom and dad are enjoying homemade peach ice cream from a small roadside stand (the peach orchard is in the background).
I had a nice blue collar middle class upbringing. My parents came from poorer families and ended up climbing in social rank and income after they married. I never really “wanted” for anything – we (me and my brother) had food, a roof over our head, toys, and vacations as kids.
I’ve always heard about False Beliefs and thought they must be for others – people who were abused and can’t trust others or set themselves up to experience repeat scenarios of abandonment. But this quality time with my parents allowed me to experience some of their beliefs which I found i had unconsciously taken on as my own, but in reality didn’t fit for me.
One of those beliefs was eating what is put in front of you. My mom is a member of the “clean plate” club and I was too. But I’m overweight right now and getting in touch with my hunger and satiation is an important part of my weight management plan. On our trip, I was finished eating before my plate was clean. My mom scolded me and tried to shame me into eating. I noticed that, was surprised I wasn’t triggered, and just simply said that I was full.
Another belief that came up was frugality. I do value frugality but I also enjoy being spoiled every so often. Although my parents can afford to splurge a little, my mom wants a “deal.” We were planning our meals and I asked where she and my father would like to eat and my mom told me to choose. I chose the hotel’s classy restaurant and was looking forward to the pleasure of interestingly prepared food. Yes, a meal would be expensive, but so what, it’s only a rare treat. My mom went, but I could tell she was sulking. She was in a negative condescending mood. Surprise – I didn’t get triggered – I reminded her that she had a choice. And I really enjoyed my meal and let the “guilt trip” pass by.
Eating everything on your plate and living frugally has served my mom and dad well and I try to not be wasteful either. I understand their values and once held them as my own even though eating everything served to me wasn’t exactly healthy and even though I’d feel guilty when I indulged in a little pleasure or extravagance here or there. I now choose my own values – I need to listen better to my inner hunger and I want to enjoy some of the pleasures in life without ruining the experience by feeling guilty. Not in extremes but in my own way. I’m finding out that I’ve got my own belief system and that’s just fine.
My mom isn’t sure about my divergence – the new me – but I’m not disparaging her for how she chooses to act on her beliefs. I’m simply living my own life with a genuine smile. Blindly living out childhood dictates are the basis of false beliefs. It feels good to take off the blinders and curiously look at why I make the choices I do and to tune into my emotions – particularly guilt and shame – and see if they are legitimate or not.
We had 40 hours in the car together and 6 nights in the same hotel room and it really was a nice trip. What a gift to have my parents around at a time in my own personal growth where I can still experience and look back on why I believe what I believe and decide on the changes that will serve me better. Maybe I’ll even get my mom to lighten up a bit but then again maybe not, either way, it’s ok!