There is just enough to warrant less “doing” and yet not so much as to confine to bed. This particular space of suffering is an interesting middle ground to live within. The “less doing” part allows more interior contemplation time. Time to ponder philosophically about the “why’s” of life. I wouldn’t believe how deep that well of wondering goes unless I had experienced it myself. Actually as I am experiencing it, because the search for answers is ongoing.
Not just answers to why I still have pain and how can I alleviate it but also along the lines of what the meaning of life is.
Suffering and pain seem to add perspective, at least when it’s not too much. In these ongoing lesser levels of chronic pain I can see whole pictures and I can see the infinite details. Certain things just do not matter like the latest fashions and gossip and certain things matter a lot like moral actions and the sunlight dappling the grass.
Even when pain episodes reach near 10 out of 10 I learned a lesson. A lesson I was forced to learn; I learned mindfulness. I learned what it really felt like to pay attention to everything in the moment. I learned what position hurt and which relieved hurt, I learned how slow time does move in a world where it feels like it’s speeding by, I learned how sweet a bird’s song is.
The new insights gained require some type of outlet. That feeling is so compelling that this blog has become some sort of spiritual journal, a diary of the living of this intensely internal life. I know everyone experiences their chronic pain situations in their own unique ways. For me it’s a time of becoming more aware of the joy of the little things, particularly the little things in nature.
I’ve heard that suffering is a teacher, pain has some sort of lesson that can be of benefit. It’s not an easy lesson but I’m a determined student.