I rarely argue with my husband. We just don’t need to, we see eye-to-eye on most all things and when we don’t I can just give him a “look.” But the other day was one of those rare days. Currently in my work I’m in the middle of writing two books and creating an online course, sitting endless hours at the computer. My husband believes that sitting is being lazy and sitting at the computer is just playing around.
I’ve felt him “thinking” this before – wives are good at that type of intuition, but he’s never said it before. This time he said it. And I retorted back quickly that yes, his work was outdoor manual labor but my work was creative and required quiet times of sitting and that I resented his assuming that “work” was defined only as doing something you disliked or that made you sweat.
Then it occurred to me that his belief, still active under the surface was one he had grown up with and one that would have kept him at work he hated if it weren’t for me. Because it’s what is called a “false belief.” It’s ok to have passion and love for the work that you do – work does not have to equate to drudgery. It’s old fashioned to think that work is only manual labor, yes, some of it is, but much isn’t either now that we have running water at our fingertips, washers and dryers, stoves that turn on at only a twist of the wrist vs. having to chop wood and light a fire.
My husband is actually in a job he loves. It’s outdoors, he is surrounded by a farm and animals, he sets his own hours for the most part. It’s ideal for his ADHD creative type of personality. When we first met he was steered towards a job at Ford’s. Assembly plant work would have been good money and benefits but would have killed his spirit. I treasure my husbands spirit and supported him in work decisions that made far less money but were more in line with who he was.
I reminded him of that and named the false belief for what it was. I expect to be supported in the choice of work that nurture’s my spirit too. And if not supported, then absolutely not undermined. He’s a good listener and I hope I was able to slay that belief dragon for him. There’s nothing worse than living in congruence with your spirit while another part of your brain tries to sabotage that by saying you’re not good enough or you’re not worthwhile or you’re not “really working” if you don’t sweat or hate your work.
I have my own false beliefs, the dragon’s I’m working on slaying. A couple that come to mind have to do with eating and body image. Since I’m overweight right now, they are rearing their ugly heads – maybe just to give me the vantage point to cut them off?! What false beliefs am I struggling with? One is that fat people aren’t beautiful and the other is you have to eat everything on your plate or you’re bad.
I’m fat right now and yet I feel beautiful and I can dress beautifully too. Sometimes I feel down or frumpy, but that really has nothing to do with my weight as I do recall those exact same feelings when I was thinner. The harder one is not wasting food. That one is damning. It feels like a sin to not have planned ahead so that all food is used and nothing goes to waste. I recall growing up with relatives who lived through the Great Depression and at dinner, if the bread was moldy, you just cut off the mold and ate the bread. There was pride in being frugal and making good use of EVERYTHING.
Looking at false beliefs is really like getting to the heart of the matter. I love the image of the blue agate and all it’s layers of colors, finally getting to the pure crystals on the inside. The soul. I’m ready to take a critical look at those shades of blue.