Out-Of-Control

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So many things are out of my control. The head and body aches when there is a cold winter full moon, when hormones flare or when, storms are coming in.

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The ice and snow and cold, as beautiful as it is, has been here for months and is hanging in through March. The weather affects my normal modes of stress management – the roads are too bad and I miss my bodywork appointment, the temps are too cold and it’s not prudent to go in the hot tub, the footing is too slippery and I can’t do my daily walks and get on my therapy horse.

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I look up and miss the leaves on the barren trees. I know they are supposed to be coming soon, but right now, they are not here.

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I look down and see evidence of the food stores beginning to run out for the animals and I worry about my little wild friends.

My parents are aging, I am aging. The economy is still not secure. I just filed my taxes.

The new government healthcare system has been an unending source of frustration for me – they say “you must give us this documentation” and when I try to, their computers are down – seriously, I’m suppose to spend 10 hours trying off and on to upload what you want and you aren’t even organized or prepared enough to readily accept it?

So many things are out of my control and that is stressful. It’s a cycle, the stress causes my body to tense, the body tension causes pain, the pain causes my blood pressure to rise, my blood pressure rising causes my anxiety to skyrocket … I tell my heart, “I’m sorry for making you work so hard and thank you for hanging in there for me.”

I get out my camera and look for the beauty in the winter, because it is everywhere. I just have to refocus my lens and I’ll see it.

I breathe. Do a body scan and stretch. I chastise myself for feeling guilty when I go to sleep early or take breaks because my body is telling me I NEED them.

I am in control of listening to my body.

I am in control of respecting my body.

I am in control of redirecting and reframing my thoughts.

Yes, a lot of life is out-of-control, but a lot is in my control too. I think I’ll start to put more energy into what I can control. How about you?

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