My usual pain level is a 2 or 3 out of 10. On the pain scale a 10 out of 10 is the worst pain you’ve ever experienced. A year and a half ago I was in the emergency room with a 10. So maybe it’s pessimism caused from pain but this week, it’s been upwards of a level 5, a nauseating dull deep constant ache that I can’t stretch out of … feeling it in my head, shoulder and lower back to hip. Maybe it’s the full moon? Maybe it’s the change in barometer with gray sleet and rain? Maybe it’s the dropping to 20 degrees at night? But whatever it is, I ache and my mood aches.
I notice beauty but then notice fading beauty …
Old pumpkins mark the end of the season
A dilapidated bench was once a place of rest but can barely support itself now
Fading flowers – actually fading mums – reminds me that my own ‘mum’ will not be with me forever
Ecclesiastes comes to mind:
“Vanity of vanities, says Qoheleth,
vanity of vanities! All things are vanity!
What profit have we from all the toil
which we toil at under the sun?
One generation departs and another generation comes,
but the world forever stays.”
Animals live in the “here and now” and watch us while we go about our work … I wonder if they see it as toil and vanity?
I had a weird experience that kind of sums up this Sunday’s post … or maybe it became the inspiration for it? I went to church and the bible readings were on creating a good foundation for your soul’s salvation. And then something ironic happened, the shoes I wore to church began to fall apart in the pew … seriously… I walked into church with solid shoes and this is what they looked like going out of church ….
Isn’t that strange? Shoes are the ‘foundation’ you walk with and it was the ‘sole’ of the shoe that literally fell into pieces. I think it might have been the first time I went up to communion in my stocking feet and I pondered that it really is appropriate to take your shoes off on holy ground. Combined with the sermon, was I experiencing a profound spiritual metaphor or a simple reality of Ecclesiastes and things not lasting in this world?
Maybe it’s not an ‘either or or’ question, it just might be a ‘both and’ situation where I’m being gifted with an experience to highlight the temporariness of creation? I’m trying not to be weighed down by resistance or pessimism and to continue on through the pain, being compelled forward by a purpose I am unable to view fully at this time.