Going to school was tough for me but school work was easy. The structured atmosphere of school, the noise, the other kids bumping into me – I hated it but I loved learning then and I still love learning now. At the time, I didn’t understand the overwhelm I felt inside. Being a “good kid”, I kept it inside. I was lucky in one respect – seating was alphabetical and my last name started with a “Y” – so it was a blessing when I got to sit at the end of a row and in the back of the room. Better chance to watch everything going on and less chance of getting “touched” or “bumped”.
All of those experiences and feelings go hand-in-hand with a Highly Sensitive Personality – I now know there is nothing weird about me. I remember day dreaming a lot in school, because real escape was not possible. I clearly remember my beloved notebook cover, a photograph of a misty morning over a horse pasture. I would dream myself into that picture and find relaxation and then be able to go on with the day.
That misty memory came back to me this morning as I walked outside. I felt a flood of relaxation, breathed deeply, sighed and realized that I’m now living my day dream from childhood. It’s funny when you actually live a dream … it’s not as perfect as you imagined it … there is hard work, repetitive chore drudgery, conflicts with various personalities that you’re bound to come in contact with … but then when you think about it, those things are everywhere and experienced by everyone – so you could be living out your life in a dead end unfulfilling situation or you could be living out your dream.
So I’m living in gratitude today, even through the small irritations. There are many blessings to be thankful for and it took a misty memory to remind me of that truth.