Defining Success

Poinson Oak  Poison Oak

Oak Leaves  Oak

Black Walnuts  Black Walnuts

Fall Raspberries Red Raspberries

Dandelion  Dandelion

Chickory  Chickory

I almost always find myself meditating in nature. So it wasn’t surprising, while taking random pictures of autumn beauty today, I reflected back to Tuesday evening.

Tuesday evening, I offered a free teleseminar on understanding and overcoming fears. For over 25 years I’ve been a therapist teaching healing and wellness skills in a 1:1 manner, but now seeing all the stress related diseases in people I love, I decided to start offering these private skills to a broader audience. To you!

I know fear itself is a very private topic that most people hide away inside, so it didn’t surprise me to have only a half dozen people register for the call and confirm they were coming. But what did surprise me was when only one person “showed up”.

I went on with that call as though I were talking to a large group, because in fact I was recording it for those who couldn’t make it, but the person attending revealed her soul and life history during the hour, so I’ve chosen to keep the recording private. I felt so energized after the call. I did it. I followed God’s calling of my purpose and I delivered.

That call, by many people’s standards would have been considered a failure, if you count by numbers anyway.  But in reality, then and now, it feels like a major success to me. That evening, I made a difference in someone’s life. Because of the information I spent hours and hours preparing and offered that evening, I believe someone’s life has changed for the better. And what better way to define success!

A Puzzle

Dentist

I’m feeling triggered and here are the random thoughts that make up the puzzle pieces:

– When your parents die, your an orphan

– I have aging parents and a father with memory issues

– Chronic Pain

– Saw my dentist last night at a social function

– Trigeminal Neuralgia Diagnosis

– Feeling misunderstood

Now how do I connect the dots or piece together the puzzle to figure out the reason why I’m feeling triggered – that “vibrating” inside feeling? Because I’m tired of keeping these things stuffed inside and there’s no reason to misplace this feeling and unload on the first poor soul that crosses my path…

So what it is? Thinking of my parents always makes me think of my childhood. And then there’s the dentist and pain thing … yes, I went to the dentist feeling fine and came out feeling pain – even as a young child, I remember that. I recall the anxiety and even going to the “toy closet” at the dentist office and instead of playing, I organized and lined up the toys – some might label that as an autistic behavior today, but it’s just one way, my way of trying to exert a little control over a stressful situation.

What else is it about dentists – I’ve been listening to a lot of new research and doctor’s about detoxing and chronic inflammation (which leads to chronic pain) and the compounding effect of heavy metals and other toxins have a buildup effect on the body (I have a mouthful of mercury fillings and had fluoride treatments at the dentist as a kid – both of which fall in the toxic category).

I have a highly sensitive personality and roughly 20% of us do. This means I’m more sensitive than 80% of you to bright lights and sounds – no wonder the dentist office itself was difficult, the blinding light overhead, the gag reflex, the drill sounds permeating the office – horrible…

I’ve been working on it, the chronic pain, I use essential oils daily, take detox supplements, and get manual therapy bodywork twice a month. I pray and meditate and work on balancing work and life. But I still experience a pain level of about 2 to 3 daily. No one can totally get rid of stress and I’m worried about my parents – there’s a lot of psychology there – I love them, they were good parents, but I don’t believe they completely understood my highly sensitive personality or how it impacted routine things like going to the dentist.

That’s it – being understood or rather feeling misunderstood is the connecting puzzle piece… last night when I met my dentist at the party, she casually asked how I was doing while I was talking with a college counselor about a summer intern I had worked with. I mentioned being concerned prior to the internship about not having enough time in therapy experience to offer the student because of my chronic pain diagnosis. This led the dentist to ask about the diagnosis and when I said it Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN), she asked more and heard me say it was triggered after going to a dental appointment almost 2 years ago.

But I had already said this to her and even emailed her because I didn’t want her to feel bad – even though the trigger was the dentist, the real cause was a misaligned body and a lot of life stress. At age 20 I first went on Vicodin after severe pain following a routine dental appointment. I brushed it off. But the incident a couple of years ago couldn’t be brushed off and resulted in an emergency room visit and being place on pain and anti-seizure meds with the TN diagnosis.

For those unfamiliar with TN – it’s also called the “suicide disease” – the pain is unpredictable and unrelenting when you’re in a “flare” but it also goes in remission, each time, like multiple sclerosis, coming back worse. The pain caused me panic attacks for quite a while because I was so afraid of it flaring as bad as it did. Pain meds really didn’t work but because it’s the a type of seizure of the peripheral nervous system (pressure on the nerve from twisted fascia in my case exacerbated by the tension causing stress in my life), the Neurontin worked, but had side effects.

I was determined to get a handle on this and thus why I’ve gone the natural route and am medication free right now. But back to feeling misunderstood – it’s been a long journey and I’ve invested personal finances (natural methods are not covered by insurance) and time in recovery and when my dentist asked how often I experience the TN – I was explaining the 2 bad times and she seemed distracted and my HSP (highly sensitive personality) picked up the feeling that only 2x was no big deal, and she said she would be happy to make me a bite splint.

Argh … a bite splint? I would rather her be curious about mercury in fillings, the long term effects of fluoride, the atmosphere in the dentist office triggering people with HSP … I want her to know I used to have horrible TMJ problems and grind my teeth to the point I would wake people up at night but it was because of cranial tension and after dozens and dozens of craniosacral therapy sessions, that has all disappeared.

So that’s it, feeling misunderstood – having HSP magnifies everything – but now I’ve sorted through the puzzle pieces, I can breath and let go of the vibration caught in my body and let some of that twisted tense feeling in my release and relax – yes, breathing again, deeper.  Having an outlet for expression definitely helps.  I might not be able to change my dentist, but maybe I can change the world, by working on myself and working on being a physical example of healing by going to the root of the cause rather than just treating symptoms.

Fiction for the Spirit

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I rarely take a vacation. A real vacation. Why? Because I live the life I love and don’t often feel a need to “get away” from it. I’m surrounded by nature, trees, horses and pastures. When I do go away, it’s mostly because I want to learn something new or share something I know – i.e. business conferences.

I also don’t watch TV or read books of fiction. Why? Because I have so much curiosity in life and there’s so much to learn and so little time.

But the past 3 days were an exception. My husband asked me to go upnorth with him for the opening of Grouse season (his hunting buddy’s caved on him) and I chose to say “yes” – he works hard around the farm (it’s a 24/7 type of job) and he doesn’t “do” vacations either – so this was a rare request.

Given the rarity of it all, I decided to visit a second hand store and bought a couple of fiction books. I’m actually an avid reader and was looking forward to hours and hours of downtime – no electronics, no work, no obligations.

Unknowingly (if that is ever possible), I picked out the author Sandra Brown. I quickly found out she has attorney’s as her good guys, the setting of the stories is in the South, and he bad guys are rich people with some type of personality disorder.

One of the books was titled “Smash Cut” and the said personality disorder was psychopathology. Toward the end of the book, the bad guy is getting ready to go out on a “date” (in actuality a murder) and he preens over himself, working out, shaving carefully, getting in a sweat bath to remove toxins from his body, getting in the tanner to even out his skin tone, showing and grooming, etc.

I couldn’t help but think how well this fictional character was taking care of his physical body. He was eating right, exercising regularly, cleansing and all the healthy things I learned are extremely important in the real life detox summits I’ve recently attended. And this character was brilliant in his planning and execution of tasks (pun intended) but he was spiritually toxic.

He had no love or meaningful connection to other human beings. He had no conscience. And he hurt other people, feeding off the power of causing them fear.

Who would believe there is so much spirit in fiction – I’m glad I’ve been re-introduced to these type of books! I’m happy to have taken a short break from regular business and just enjoyed books and nature (the orange leaf was dewy from a morning mist and discovered while walking my dog during a reading break).

Fear. Powerlessness. It’s real and sometimes others feed off it. But you can find freedom from fear. Join me as I get back to work and listen to a free call on just this subject: INFO HERE

Labor Day

Happy Labor Day everyone! Initially Labor Day was instituted to celebrate our freedom in the USA – our freedom to protest unjustness and ask for it to be corrected: child labor, 16-hour work days, low wages, and unsafe working conditions. Through the help of labor unions, our work hours, wages, ages, and workplace health has been addressed! Thank you for that!

And those were the first few lines from my latest newsletter.

I oppose injustice but there’s a new type of injustice seen in the past 30 or so years … and it does have to do with labor unions and labor. My father worked in the automotive industry and was in the union but because of good work, he became a supervisor. My dad is a quiet gentle kind of man and a hard worker. I overheard many times, his lament about the unions protecting lazy “workers”. So much so, I still turn a dubious eye towards unions to this day.

Isn’t that sad? In the past, the unions were needed to solve a problem.  But employees are employed to give a fair day’s work and provide a product or a service. My father’s work was not an assembly line, it was an experimental automotive prototype plant. And his is not the only lament I’ve heard on this topic, I’ve heard a different family member complain about the laziness of his fellow employees in the electrical industry.

On another note, I have a highly sensitive personality and need frequent breaks in my work to decompress and at first I worked in a hospital setting as a therapist but the stress was nearly unbearable. I choose to work in private practice specifically because I could pace myself and take those needed breaks! As my own boss, I work on and off and put in over 80 hours each week in the various tasks of running a small business.

I wonder if someone watching me from the outside, noticing my taking breaks, would label me as “lazy”?