I’m going through an intense advanced certification process using the emotional freedom technique (EFT). The course is called ‘Ignite Your Healing.’ EFT, also known as tapping, is a research based process that calms the physiological body response to stress. Deep breathing is another process (one used by the military) that calms this physiological fight/flight response. ‘Ignite Your Healing’ uses visualization, breathing, and tapping to uncover and heal old trauma and emotional wounds.
One of the processes had us asking ourselves when we felt our body let us down. I immediately had a scene of myself as a 2yo with my first horse ride. The intensity of feeling my body let me down was a 10 out of 10.
The backstory behind that event was that was the first time I had seen a real horse. I immediately fell in love. The horse was magnetic to me and I couldn’t stop staring at it. The neighbor saw me and asked if I wanted a ride. Of course I did, everything sparked inside with excitement and longing.
The feeling of sitting on that horse was like no other, it was magic. My little 1 1/2 yo brother was placed on the horse with me. Nothing else in the world was as wonderful as this. Love pulsed through my system.
Then the neighbor started to walk the horse. I felt tippy, unsafe. I hoped my brother didn’t fall. I hoped I didn’t fall. I even hoped my little brother might help me stay on. This was scary, mixed with awesome, mixed with terror. So confusing. Why wasn’t there an adult there to help me? I was sliding off the side. Oh God, that couldn’t happen. I wouldn’t let it happen. But I had such little control. This is awful. I hate my body for not staying balanced. It betrayed me.
The ride stopped, we were taken off the horse and I was shaking. I was in shock. The happiness and love and excitement from moments before were buried deep. But I couldn’t stop feeling pulled magnetically to the horse. A deep love of horses was born that morning. But also a deep seated fear. And that’s the backstory. That came up for healing. And I tapped and tapped.
That long ago event has colored all my horse experiences since. Holding me back from fully feeling the light fun emotions around horses. It’s time to heal, it’s time to honor that little me. It’s time to acknowledge her courage and that her body was perfect. It acted exactly as it did because it couldn’t have been differently. An adult should have been there to help. But they weren’t and it was perfectly normal to feel tippy when you’re two years old and the first time on a horse.
I honor my body for everything it did. I allow my body to relax, I allow my muscles to relax. It no longer serves me to grip and feel like I’m going to fall off when I ride horses now. My adult self went back into that memory and offered the support and help that little girl needed. It calmed her and praised her. It made her smile and feel loved.
That’s the backstory and that’s the new story moving forward. I honor my body for all it does for me. I honor my past experience. I honor my fight/flight response and I allow it to relax now. I’m open to feeling safe and joyful around horses. I honor my body and acknowledge my deep love for horses. I honor my body.
And I keep tapping through the points as I repeat those phrases above. I’ll need to do it more than once but it feels like the intensity has gone down to a 6 or 7. That’s close to 4 points lower and that’s a lot less stress flowing subconsciously under the surface in my system. Since horses are a big part of my life and my business, this is huge. Soon, I’ll be able to invite you to the ‘Ignite Your Healing’ process. I’ll let you know when the certification process if complete!